How Hollywood Can Remake Classics With a Gay Twist

The lack of creativity that’s been plaguing Hollywood in recent years might just prove to be a surprising advantage for the gay and lesbian community. Monster with Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci was a step in the right direction, although it was an extremely depressing film. We have some other, less oppressive ideas about remaking classics with a gay twist.

The Princess Bride

The story of the Princess Bride centers on a former farm girl who is set to marry a revolting prince. Not only does she not want to marry him; she’s grieving over her girlfriend who died some years ago. While out riding, the girl is kidnapped by a gang of banditas. They demand the prince pay ransom to get her back. In the meantime, the girl comes to remember the joys of lesbian love while “held” by the band. Her prospective husband pays the ransom, which the girls spend during a fun night out on the town. Needless to say, the girl does not wish to return to the prince. He becomes even more revolting and dreadful, but that’s his problem, isn’t it?

The Notebook

It is the 1940s in South Carolina. Two girls, an aristocrat and a mill worker, are hopelessly in love with one another. Obviously, the rich girl’s parents don’t approve. It looks like their love affair is over when the plebeian girl leaves to fight in WWII in Europe. In the meantime, the patrician girl marries a man and they live unhappily. It seems like that’s how it will be – but the commoner comes back and their romance is rekindled.

Sleepless in Seattle

After her wife dies, the main character moves to Seattle with her daughter. When her daughter calls a radio show to find her mom a new wife, a reporter hears the mom speak and falls for her.

Titanic

A young American woman wins a trip on the RMS Titanic in a card game. On the ship, she meets a beautiful, but very sad socialite who’s traveling to America to marry a wealthy man she doesn’t love. The women soon realize they are meant for each other and spend many amazing, sultry nights together despite the ambient temperatures on the ship. When Titanic hits an iceberg, the women realize their love wasn’t meant to be – at least there. Together, they hijack a lifeboat and set off together, to spaces unknown.

American Pie

American Pie with a lesbian twist centers on a shy young girl who’s discovering her true nature. She talks to an older, more mature friend about it, who teaches her all the right things.